


Let's Get Old School

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [79]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bondage, Bottom Snape, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Not in Any Way Underage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 11:12:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1119171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...and by Old School, I mean Snarry mpreg.  Anyway....</p><p>Harry is Batman: His parents are dead, and all his friends wish he would stop mentioning it.  For real.  Lighten up, dude.  </p><p>And, for this particular metaphor, Snape refuses to be Catwoman.  Though, he does like the leather jumpsuit...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Get Old School

**Harry:**  Heya Snape! I know you wanted to see me, but I’ve gotta run soon, cause I’m meeting up with Malfoy later to look at his etchings. I know you and I have become friends over the last few months, but I really can’t cancel on Draco again, cause—

 **Snape:**  OH MY GOD. SHUT UP.

 **Harry:**  Geez. No need to get all grouchy! I’m 18 and not your student any more! Let your surprisingly-not-greasy hair down a bit, won’t you? I mean, my parents are dead, so you should—

 **Snape:**  Quite. And I have to say—

 **Harry:**  I know, right? I’m so happy that we’ve finally put aside the bad feelings you had towards my father and become such good—

 **Snape:**  POTTER!

 **Harry:**  Ooo! That’s me! Not the memory of the parents whom I superficially resemble!

 **Snape:**  You are such a twit.

 **Harry:**  Aw. You say the nicest things!

 **Snape:**  That was an insult, Potter.

 **Harry:**  Oh, was it? It must have been one of those wizarding insults I never learned because my parents are— 

 **Snape:**  I’m a half-blood. I know it’s a Muggle word. Twit. Don’t even try.

 **Harry:**  You’re no fun anymore. You should be nicer to me. Because my parents are—

 **Snape:**  SHUT UP, POTTER.

 **Harry:**  Yes, Sir! *giggles* Oops. Sorry. I can’t keep a straight face when I call you that. It sounds kinky. ‘Cause I’m 18 and not your student any more.  Sir. *giggles again*

 **Snape:**  Quite. Now. I have something very important I need to talk to you about. I recently got some news that may be of importance—

 **Harry:**  OOOoooh! Did you hear the thing about Hermione and Lucius? Don’t worry about it. He’s, like, totally changed. I think he might have been a spy the whole time, too.

 **Snape:**  Yeah, he only said that to get in her pants. But that is not what I wanted—

 **Harry:**  You know, cross-gen is super in right now, so I’m not surprised by the pairing. I mean, we’ve been around so long, you get bored of the same old same old—

 **Snape:**  Would you please be quiet? I am trying—

 **Harry:**  Not that I think there’s any reason to get bored of Draco’s ass, mind you. It’s pretty fantastic. Just the other day, I was thinking that if my father weren’t dead…

 **Snape:**  BE QUIET, YOU INSUFFERABLE DUNDERHEAD! OR THE FATHER OF MY UNBORN CHILD WILL BE DEAD!

…

….

…..

 **Harry:**  Well. I think there are a number of things about that statement that need to be addressed. First: this is an mpreg fic?

 **Snape:**  Yes. Yes it is, you idiot. It’s right in the tags.

 **Harry:**  Ah. Well. I usually don’t read those, actually. So. Is that normal for you? I mean, in the wizarding world? ‘Cause I probably missed that while I going through my dead-parents phase and—

 **Snape:**  Oh my god. Yes. When a man-boy puts his penis up another man’s—

 **Harry:**  So. Normal for this particular ‘verse.

 **Snape:**  Quite.

 **Harry:**  Okay. That leads me to the second question. I assume  _that_  death threat, like most of your death threats, was aimed at me?

 **Snape:**  Duh.

 **Harry:**  Which implies that I am the father of your unborn man-baby-having-child-thing?

 **Snape:**  Eloquent as ever, Potter.

 **Harry:**  It’s just, I didn’t think this was a Snarry fic, tbh. I mean, we were talking about Draco earlier, and Drarry is way more mainstream…

 **Snape:**  Yes. But Snarry has more depth.  Plus, again, it’s in the tags.  Who doesn't look at the tags? Idiot.

 **Harry:**  If by depth you mean you have to dig deeper to find any chemistry?

 **Snape:**  Hey! I am a redeemable misunderstood misanthrope with a sexy voice! I could have chemistry with _Dobby_  if I wanted!

…

 **Snape:**  Which I don’t. Obviously. Plus. I just think Draco is super whiny.

 **Harry:**  Can’t argue with that.

 **Snape:**  And I have a much larger penis.

 **Harry:**  I do like that in a man. But then what was all that about etchings?

 **Snarry:**  Draco is actually a surprisingly gifted artist. And etchings are a revered art form in the wizarding world. Something you would know if your parents hadn’t…

 **Harry:**  …died?

 **Snape:**  Quite.

 **Harry:**  Well then. Thank goodness for that. I though I was gonna have to have lots of kinky sex with Draco.

*both shudder*

 **Harry:**  Turns out I’ve been having lots of kinky sex with you instead! I mean, it has been kinky, right?

 **Snape:**  Duh.

 **Harry:**  Awesome! That’s why I love Snarry!

 **Snape:**  Quite.

 **Harry:**  Oh! One more question!

 **Snape:**  Yes?

 **Harry:**  If you’re pregnant, does that mean this is a bottom!Snape fic?

 **Snape:**  Ten points to Gryffindor.

 **Harry:**  WOOOOOOOOT! Wait. You only gave me those points because I’m 18 and not your student anymore and they don’t count, didn’t you?

 **Snape:**  Of course.

 **Harry:**  Damn it. Oh well. I’m still super excited about the kinky baby-making bottom!Snape sex we are apparently having. We’re still having it, right? I mean. There aren’t any weird mpreg rules about not having kinky sex, are there? Oh! Maybe there are special wizarding-world rules about having lots and lots of pregnant man-sex, and I just don’t know about them, ‘cause my parents are—

 **Snape:**  SHUT UP AND TIE ME TO THE BED, POTTER!

**Epilogue:**

**Harry:**  So, if it’s a boy, I was thinking we could name it James.

 **Snape:**  Keep talking and you can meet your dead parents. In a totally non-magical way.

 **Harry:**  Aw. I love your death threats. They always make you so feisty!

 **Snape:**  Quite. So, do I have to keep shooting down baby names, or are you gonna use your mouth for something useful?

 **Harry:**  Eeth, Thir!

*Harry giggles*

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
